That they may teach the younger women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. - Titus 2: 4 (KJV)
The closer a woman gets to God you get, the more she ought to desire to please and care for and treat her husband she ought to treat him. And I’m not sure there is anything that pleases and speaks love to a man more than sexual intimacy.
Because it is so important, wise and loving wives make regular, warm and enthusiastic lovemaking a priority in their lives. I believe this is a biblical approach.
What does the Bible have to say about sex?
And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. - Genesis 1:28
In the book of Genesis, we see the original design of marriage as being to satisfy the sexual and procreative, emotional and physical needs of man. Adam and Eve are commanded to be “one flesh”, inseparable, and to work together to bring about the filling and ordering of the earth. As they dwell together, make love, bear children, they fulfill the instructions given by God to man and woman. There is nothing shameful about this beautiful, sexual relationship and rather it is one of the highest activities given to man.
King Solomon, in the, "The Song of Songs", describes the sexual and emotional relationship between a husband and a wife; Christians have generally taken this book as showing a picture of the love from God to people and their responding love for God. This interpretation implies that there is a strong connection between physical love in a marriage and the love between God and human beings. Again, this is an ennobling picture of sexual love.
In the New Testament, we see the same respect for marriage. The writer of Hebrews lays down some important teaching on marriage and sex.
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. - Hebrews 13:4
Here the writer of Hebrews lays down that marriage is something valuable and precious and so deserving of honor and care. What about the marriage bed, an integral part of marriage? He says it is undefiled, meaning not at all wrong, impure or dirty. It is clean and it is a good thing.
In Paul’s letter to Corinthians, we see the physical relationship in marriage as held up as a priority for Christian couples. They have mutual sexual obligations that should not be neglected:
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. - 1 Corinthians 7:2-5
A wife’s body belongs to her husband and a husband’s body belongs to his wife: Don’t “defraud” or cheat each other of sex except by mutual consent and then only for a short time. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). So even when a wife is tired, not in the mood, angry, bored, or preoccupied, she should do her best to show up for our husband and herself in the marriage bed. Everyone will be happier when the intimate relationship is honored. It’s for our good.
Tips that will lead to more pleasure in the bedroom:
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. - 1 Peter 3: 1-6
Women tend to obsess over their outward looks, but character is more important. Pretty is as pretty does. To create attraction, cultivate a loving, gentle and calm demeanor. Solomon describes a wife as “a loving doe, a graceful fawn” and tells the husband to “rejoice” in her breasts always and to “rejoice in the wife of your youth.” (Proverbs 5:18-19). What does this kind of godly, feminine character look like in practice?
Softness (not hard, resisting or argumentative)
Warmth (shows interest, concern, friendliness)
Kindness (shows concern for his feelings and needs)
Purity (no cussing)
Openness, flexibility, and spontaneity
While godly character is most important, sex is a primarily physical relationship and so the feminine shape and appearance must be tended:
Try to exercise daily, if possible and eat healthily. (If weight is an issue, I suggest the WeightWatchers app…it really works!).
Stay clean, lovely, sweet-smelling. Take a good bath or shower every day and moisturize your skin liberally. Take care of your hair, make sure it is clean and brushed and styled daily.
Fully moisturize your skin daily. Coconut oil is very inexpensive and also safe and effective as a sexual lubricant.
Dress in a modest and feminine way. A few looks to choose from: Dresses (maxi dresses or sundresses with light cardigans), skirts, feminine blouses with jeans and long cardigans. You can make these things for yourself (as in sewing, another lost art of homemaking) or easily purchase them. When I did a search for “feminine clothing” on Amazon, so many lovely styles popped up. What a blessing! This article has great ideas on dressing beautifully and modestly along with links to online shops. https://www.thedarlingacademy.com/articles/where-to-find-feminine-style-dresses-and-clothing/
Have some ultra-feminine and accentuating lingerie for the bedroom. This can only add to the fun and excitement.
Homemaking adds to the romantic atmosphere. Having a clutter-free environment (especially the bedroom) will remove a common “brake” to sexual desire so it's a good idea to put “tidying up” in the daily routine.
Make your bedroom into a romantic sanctuary. Make it a special, romantic place.
Keep it clean and tidy.
I like to keep earthy and spicy-scented candles, flower arrangements, high-quality sheets and pillows and comforters on my bed,
I have soothing art on the walls, and books and magazines next to the bed.
If possible, do not include TVs and/ or computers in the bedroom.
If you are concerned about making noise or privacy, look into a noise machine and have a lock on your door. https://www.amazon.com/Big-Red-Rooster-White-Machine/dp/B01H6WXUX8
Simplify your life so that you have time for love making.
Have an evening schedule. Don’t overbook yourself with too many activities.
Put the children to bed early.
If outside work is interfering, see if you can cut back to part time or even quit entirely. That also applies to volunteer work.
Again, get on top of your housework routines.
Practice the 4 A’s (acceptance, admiration, adapting, appreciation) to minimize arguments and conflict. All of these things will enhance your sex life and build up your husband’s confidence.
If you experience pain or difficulty with sex, see a good doctor. My gynecologist has helped me through menopause as well as severe gastro-intestinal pain.
If you have any kind of psychological issues with sex, get good professional help without delay.
I am posting a separate article on sexual problems.
The enemy would love for us believers to label sex in marriage "selfish" so that we will focus on other ministries and overlook the most important one we've been given. When a husband and wife have sex, it is a pure and true example of godly unity. We are doing a righteous thing when we selflessly give of ourselves to our spouse. A person is not more righteous when they are praying than when they are having sex with their spouse. There is a saying floating around about Christian marriages that I think is spot on: "The enemy's objective is to get you to have as much sex as possible before marriage, and as little as possible afterward." Satan's objective is always to twist what God created and flip it upside down. The notion that sexual desire in marriage is somehow less pure or is selfish is not of God, dear sister.
Questions for Discussion:
What reason does Paul give for marriage?
How is the husband to treat the wife and vice versa?
What reality does Paul give to support this command?
Explain the word 'defraud." Cheat. What does the use of this word imply about the relationship?
What must one spouse do if he or she wants to abstain from sex according to 1 Cor. 7: 2-5?
Is it okay to withhold sex if you just aren't in the mood or are a little tired?
Define spontaneous and responsive sexual desire.
How would knowing the difference between these two kinds of desire make a difference in the sexual relationship?
Give yourself some habits and systems that will set you up for sexual success and happiness:
Be prepared for sex every night for a week and see what happens.
Start your dinner in the mornings. Prep as much of it as you can early in the day so you won’t be so tired and stressed out in the evenings.
Remove distractions and stress by decluttering your house.
Have an evening “tidy up” routine and involve the children.
Take an afternoon or early evening bubble bath. Do your hair. Put on a pretty dress or blouse and welcome your husband home in a cloud of prettiness and sweet scent.
Try to spend the evenings at home, if possible. Put the children to bed early and enjoy an hour or two of couple time.
Think of your husband in a positive way throughout the day
Think about what you want to experience sexually (you could even call him up and tell him)
Create a romantic atmosphere (Candles, scent and music) in the bedroom free of distractions
If you didn’t bathe before dinner, take a bubble bath or shower before bed and some putting on some lovely lingerie.
I love y’all!
~ Amy Laurie