Thursday, April 13, 2023

Loving your husband: Fulfill his sexual desires.

That they may teach the younger women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. - Titus 2: 4 (KJV)

The closer a woman gets to God you get, the more she ought to desire to please and care for and treat her husband she ought to treat him. And  I’m not sure there is anything that pleases and speaks love to a man more than sexual intimacy. 

Because it is so important, wise and loving wives make regular, warm and enthusiastic lovemaking a priority in their lives. I believe this is a biblical approach. 

What does the Bible have to say about sex?

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. -  Genesis 1:28

In the book of Genesis, we see the original design of marriage as being to satisfy the sexual and procreative, emotional and physical needs of man. Adam and Eve are commanded to be “one flesh”, inseparable, and to work together to bring about the filling and ordering of the earth. As they dwell together, make love, bear children, they fulfill the instructions given by God to man and woman. There is nothing shameful about this beautiful, sexual relationship and rather it is one of the highest activities given to man.

King Solomon, in the, "The Song of Songs", describes the sexual and emotional relationship between a husband and a wife;  Christians have generally taken this book as showing a picture of the love from God to people and their responding love for God. This interpretation implies that there is a strong connection between physical love in a marriage and the love between God and human beings. Again, this is an ennobling picture of sexual love.

In the New Testament, we see the same respect for marriage. The writer of Hebrews lays down some important teaching on marriage and sex.

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. - Hebrews 13:4

Here the writer of Hebrews lays down that marriage is something valuable and precious and so deserving of honor and care.  What about the marriage bed, an integral part of marriage?  He says it is undefiled, meaning not at all wrong, impure or dirty.  It is clean and it is a good thing. 

In Paul’s letter to Corinthians, we see the physical relationship in marriage as held up as a priority for Christian couples.  They have mutual sexual obligations that should not be neglected:

But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. - 1 Corinthians 7:2-5

A wife’s body belongs to her husband and a husband’s body belongs to his wife:  Don’t “defraud” or cheat each other of sex except by mutual consent and then only for a short time. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). So even when a wife is  tired, not in the mood, angry, bored, or preoccupied, she should do her best to show up for our husband and herself in the marriage bed. Everyone will be happier when the intimate relationship is honored.  It’s for our good.

Tips that will lead to more pleasure in the bedroom:

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;  But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:  Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.  - 1 Peter 3: 1-6

Women tend to obsess over their outward looks, but character is more important. Pretty is as pretty does. To create attraction, cultivate a loving, gentle and calm demeanor.  Solomon describes a wife as “a loving doe, a graceful fawn” and tells the husband to “rejoice” in her breasts always and to “rejoice in the wife of your youth.” (Proverbs 5:18-19).  What does this kind of godly, feminine character look like in practice?

  • Softness (not hard, resisting or argumentative)

  • Submission (yielding)

  • Calmness, coziness

  • Warmth (shows interest, concern, friendliness)

  • Kindness (shows concern for his feelings and needs)

  • Purity (no cussing)

  • Helpfulness

  • Playfulness

  • Cheerfulness

  • Openness, flexibility, and spontaneity

While godly character is most important, sex is a primarily physical relationship and so the feminine shape and appearance must be tended:

  • Try to exercise daily, if possible and eat healthily.  (If weight is an issue, I suggest the WeightWatchers app…it really works!).

  • Stay clean, lovely, sweet-smelling. Take a good bath or shower every day and moisturize your skin liberally.  Take care of your hair, make sure it is clean and brushed and styled daily. 

  • Fully moisturize your skin daily. Coconut oil is very inexpensive and also safe and effective as a sexual lubricant. 

  • Dress in a modest and feminine way.  A few looks to choose from:  Dresses (maxi dresses or sundresses with light cardigans), skirts, feminine blouses with jeans and long cardigans. You can make these things for yourself (as in sewing, another lost art of homemaking) or easily purchase them. When I did a search for “feminine clothing” on Amazon, so many lovely styles popped up. What a blessing!  This article has great ideas on dressing beautifully and modestly along with links to online shops.

  • Have some ultra-feminine and accentuating lingerie for the bedroom.  This can only add to the fun and excitement. 

Homemaking adds to the romantic atmosphere. Having a clutter-free environment (especially the bedroom) will remove a common “brake” to sexual desire so it's a good idea to put “tidying up” in the daily routine.

  • Make your bedroom into a romantic sanctuary.  Make it a special, romantic place.  

    • Keep it clean and tidy. 

    • I like to keep earthy and spicy-scented candles, flower arrangements, high-quality sheets and pillows and comforters on my bed,

    • I have soothing art on the walls, and books and magazines next to the bed.  

    • If possible, do not include TVs and/ or computers in the bedroom. 

    • If you are concerned about making noise or privacy, look into a noise machine and have a lock on your door.

  • Simplify your life so that you have time for love making. 

    • Have an evening schedule. Don’t overbook yourself with too many activities. 

    • Put the children to bed early. 

    • If outside work is interfering, see if you can cut back to part time or even quit entirely. That also applies to volunteer work.

    • Again, get on top of your housework routines. 

    • Practice the 4 A’s (acceptance, admiration, adapting, appreciation) to minimize arguments and conflict. All of these things will enhance your sex life and build up your husband’s confidence.


  • If you experience pain or difficulty with sex, see a good doctor.  My gynecologist has helped me through menopause as well as severe gastro-intestinal pain.

  • If you have any kind of psychological issues with sex, get good professional help without delay.

  • I am posting a separate article on sexual problems. 


The enemy would love for us believers to label sex in marriage "selfish" so that we will focus on other ministries and overlook the most important one we've been given. When a husband and wife have sex, it is a pure and true example of godly unity. We are doing a righteous thing when we selflessly give of ourselves to our spouse. A person is not more righteous when they are praying than when they are having sex with their spouse. There is a saying floating around about Christian marriages that I think is spot on: "The enemy's objective is to get you to have as much sex as possible before marriage, and as little as possible afterward." Satan's objective is always to twist what God created and flip it upside down. The notion that sexual desire in marriage is somehow less pure or is selfish is not of God, dear sister. 

Questions for Discussion:

  1. What reason does Paul give for marriage?  

  2. How is the husband to treat the wife and vice versa?

  3. What reality does Paul give to support this command?  

  4. Explain the word 'defraud." Cheat.  What does the use of this word imply about the relationship?

  5. What must one spouse do if he or she wants to abstain from sex according to 1 Cor. 7: 2-5?  

  6. Is it okay to withhold sex if you just aren't in the mood or are a little tired?  

  7. Define spontaneous and responsive sexual desire.

  8. How would knowing the difference between these two kinds of desire make a difference in the sexual relationship?

Habits/ systems

Give yourself some habits and systems that will set you up for sexual success and happiness: 

  • Be prepared for sex every night for a week and see what happens.  

  • Start your dinner in the mornings.  Prep as much of it as you can early in the day so you won’t be so tired and stressed out in the evenings.

  • Remove distractions and stress by decluttering your house.

  • Have an evening “tidy up” routine and involve the children.

  • Take an afternoon or early evening bubble bath. Do your hair. Put on a pretty dress or blouse and welcome your husband home in a cloud of prettiness and sweet scent. 

  • Try to spend the evenings at home, if possible. Put the children to bed early and enjoy an hour or two of couple time.

  • Think of your husband in a positive way throughout the day

  • Think about what you want to experience sexually (you could even call him up and tell him)

  • Create a romantic atmosphere (Candles, scent and music) in the bedroom free of distractions

  • If you didn’t bathe before dinner, take a bubble bath or shower before bed and some putting on some lovely lingerie.

I love y’all!

~ Amy Laurie

Wednesday, April 12, 2023

Loving Your Husband: Appreciate Him.

Your husband will know you love him when you show appreciation for all he does and is. 

Edmund Leighton, Godspeed,1900

A loving wife focuses on appreciating and rewarding the good things her husband does and the attempts he’s making at giving her a good life. . His male ego needs that. A man needs to feel respected and rewarded for his work and accomplishments. You, dear lady, are the one who’s approval he wants the most.  So give it to him.  Find something positive he’s doing and praise him for it. 

Define “appreciate”.


  1. to grasp the nature, worth, quality, or significance of

  2. to value or admire highly

  3. To recognize with gratitude

Synonyms: value, respect, prize, cherish, treasure, admire


  • We really appreciate the extra effort you are making.

  • Your support is greatly appreciated.

  • I appreciate you and I’m so thankful for you in my life!

How to show appreciation?

Appreciate him. Tell him! Actively thank him, show gratitude and contentment.  You can do this in so many ways:

  • Write him a note of appreciation or thanks.

    • “I appreciate that you work so hard for our family.”

  • Tell him several times a day what positive traits you see in him.

    • “You are so good looking.” 

    • I love the way you talk to your children.”

  • Thank him immediately anytime he does something for your or the children.

    • “Thank you for taking us to church this morning.”

    • “Thank you for taking out the trash for me (then give him a big hug)”

Our men do so much for us.  And really all they want is some recognition and appreciation. 

It’s also good to show appreciation through actions.  

  • Have something good to eat… a hot, delicious dinner ready.

  • Be loving and kind and cozy to him. Again, give hugs, smiles and kisses.

  • Give him some time in the evenings to unwind and do some things he enjoys.

  • Go to bed at the same time. 

  • Be ready for intimacy, if at all possible.

  • Keeping the house nice, tidy, and clean is another great way to show appreciation, especially the bedroom.  Make it your lovely, romantic sanctuary.

  • Just try some different things to show your love and appreciation.  My wonderful husband loves it when I iron his shirts, and says it always makes him feel like the most special man in the world. 

Let’s turn up the love!

I love and appreciate y’all!

~Amy Laurie

Woman Ironing, Edgar Degas


Read through the Psalms.  Many of them are written to God in appreciation for all He does for us and all He is.  We can be inspired to show appreciation to others as an extension of our thanks to God.  Look for things in others that you can thank them for. 


1 - Appreciation is a key aspect of respect so I’m asking you to commit to thanking him for the good things he does (and is).  Write them down in your journal (try to notice at least 2 things a day), then just thank him verbally.  Before you go to bed at night, thank him for something he’s done for you that day, or something special you love about him. 

2 - Choose some things you can do for your husband that show your appreciation.

Friday, April 7, 2023

Loving your husband:  Adapt to him

Tom Lovell, Back Comes the Bride, 1944

Similarly the old women should be reverent in their behaviour, should not make unfounded complaints and should not be over-fond of wine. They should be examples of the good life, so that the younger women may learn to love their husbands and their children, to be sensible and chaste, home-lovers, kind-hearted and willing to adapt themselves to their husbands—a good advertisement for the Christian faith. - Titus 2:3-5 (JB Phillips Paraphrase)

Most problems in marriage come from conflicting desires, egos, and views.  

Each spouse wants his or her own way. Sometimes compromises and situations can be worked out to suit both husband and wife but sometimes they cannot.  Some things married couples often fight about and even split over:

How to spend the weekends, vacations, retirement, whether you will spend your free time in travel or as a homebody, how to spend money, should we spend or save? If we spend, what should we spend it on? Sex and emotional intimacy can be a source of conflict for many couples as can how to raise the children. How to divide up the household responsibilities? What to do when one spouse feels a lack of affection or attention. Or when one of you feels the need for space. 

What is the solution when solutions seem to evade us?  Adapt.

Signing the register, Edmund Blair Leighton

Define “adapting”.

Adapt:  to make suitable, to fit into, to change behavior or ideas in order to adjust to a new situation

Synonyms: adjust, accommodate, conform to, reconcile (bring one thing into correspondence with another)


*Missionary families are trained to adapt to their new surroundings in every way possible 

*The hybrid vehicle was built to adapt to ever-changing conditions. 

*As her children left home one by one, the woman adapted one of the bedrooms to accommodate her growing interest in painting.

When a wife adapts to her husband, it means not only accepting his ways but changing her actions to synchronize with his.  Adapting may also involve revising her expectations and plans as needed, and scheduling her life to accommodate his priorities and needs. 

Why adapt?

Adapting is one aspect of the biblical concept of submission:

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church:  and He is the Savior of the body.  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. - Ephesians 5:23-24 

*Hupotasso, to subordinate, obey, to be subject to, to be dependent or conditional upon

In a peaceful, Christian marriage, the wife yields and adapts to the husband and the couple does things the husband’s way, as the church does things Jesus’ way, (Ephesians 5:24). It is through submission that the couple stays together, supporting one another, even through times of difficulty and disagreement.  

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

The Harvard Longitudinal Happiness Study

An 80-year longitudinal study done by Harvard University found that the single most important factor to lifelong health and happiness was being connected to others…spouses, family, friends:

Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives, the study revealed. Those ties protect people from life’s discontents, help to delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes. That finding proved true across the board among both the Harvard men and the inner-city participants.

Embracing and learning how to give to one another in the closest relationship of all, marriage, can be one of the most profound gifts of love.  Staying with a husband, loving and supporting him, for better or for worse, enables him to live a long and happy life.

Life in a Tandem Canoe

My husband and I have spent quite a bit of time in a canoe together, and I can see there are some marriage lessons to be taken from that. 

Canoe Couple Sepia, Mary Sinner

In a tandem canoe, there is a stern paddler (sitting in the back of the boat) and a bow paddler (sitting in the front). The stern paddler at the back of the boat is tasked with keeping the canoe traveling in the desired direction. The bow paddler follows the stern paddler’s lead and provides extra power.  The stern paddler is the captain and he must steer the canoe to keep the pair from avoiding dangerous snags, running aground, or going in circles. Now, two people trying to steer a tandem canoe is a recipe for absolute misery.  It just doesn’t work. 

You can only be successful as tandem canoeists if you and your partner are willing to work together.   If you can do this, then paddling a tandem can be magnificently fun and you can look forward to many happy years of tandem canoeing.

In a marriage, in a family, in a household, as in a tandem canoe, the wife has to work with and adapt to her husband (the captain of the ship) and in the same direction if she hopes for them as a couple to get anywhere and avoid catastrophe. And she has to stay in the boat. 

Build together your household, your little kingdom.

A wife works together with her husband as they are both building the marriage and household. 

Every organization must have a leader and a captain.  Man is the divinely-designated head of the family and man of the house.  An excellent wife treats him like a king, caters to his needs and tries to always put him first.

She must think of her home as a little kingdom, her husband as the king and she is his queen.  

As she submits to him and adapts to him she becomes the crown on his head and a highly-valued jewel to him. 

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones. - Proverbs 12:4 

And in Proverbs 31, we see the excellent woman who is always doing her husband good, always loving and supporting him.  She is the quintessence of devotion.  She is described as being “far above rubies.”:

Who can find a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her so that he shall have no need of spoil.  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 

It is when a woman devotes her life to her husband and his interests, deeply respecting him, and is willing to serve him, that she becomes really beautiful to him.  She becomes his priceless jewel and he trusts her, honors her, and, when possible,  gives her heart’s desires. (Esther, Psalm 45)

This excellent wife, as her husband’s queen and consort, may express her feelings and preferences to her husband in a regal way.  Then she lets him make the decision.  What if he makes the wrong decision?  A good queen follows and stands beside her king no matter what. 

How to adapt on the day-to-day?

If your husband calls and says he needs you to help him this afternoon and you already have plans, what do you do?

When you adapt and change your plans to conform to his, you are saying, I love you. You are the world to me, and so I will change what I had planned to do so that I can help you. 

A few ways to adapt:

  • Do things his way. Follow his lead. Don’t go against him. Just as it is attractive to a woman to see a man take charge, it is pleasing to a man to see a woman who trusts him and willingly lets him lead her.

  • Be flexible and available to him. Arrange your priorities and schedule so that you can do this. My husband loves for us to go out and do things together…events, church gatherings, outdoor activities, so I need to be willing to drop my own agenda and go with him.  

  • Be open to his ideas and plans!  How often do I put a damper on an idea he has or something he wants to do with a negative response…”sorry can’t do that because I have to do this or that.” Most of the time he just wants to talk to me about doing something more than actually doing it. I smile and go along with him, thinking and talking about all the grand things we will do together.

Please, study your own husband.

All husbands are different. Some things my husband would find disrespectful, other men might find helpful.  This is why it is so important for wives to get to know their own husbands well; this is how a wife adapts. She learns what’s important to her own husband and makes it her priority, too.  Consider the following examples:

  • Is your husband punctual? Work hard to be on time.

  • Does he have to be up early and thus wants to be in bed by a certain time? Strive to be in bed with him by that time.

  • Does it bother him when certain things are messy? Try to make sure these areas are tidy.

Ladies, work hard to make your husband’s priorities your own. And when you adapt to him, do not make him feel stupid for the way he desires for things to be done.

Tom Lovell, Couple on Rock


Adapting can be a change of mind and a change of doing things for a woman, especially in the individualistic and feminist culture we live in.  However, we can encourage ourselves knowing it’s not as difficult a thing as we might initially think and actually works with our feminine nature and God’s design.  And most of all, we can be confident we are serving God as a Christian woman, loving our husbands well and living according to the biblical pattern. 

I love y’all! 

-Amy Laurie

The End of the Ball, Rogelio de Egusquiza


Read through the account of Abraham and Sarah (Genesis 12-23) taking it one or two chapters a day.  Copy into your journal examples of how Sarah followed and adapted to Abraham’s leadership.  

Also pay attention to Abraham’s relationship with God and submissive attitude toward him. How does all of this inspire you?

What was the “big picture” for Abraham and Sarah? What did GOD accomplish through them?


“Yes, let’s!”

When your husband has an idea or a suggestion, instead of negging him, respond with “Yes, let’s!”. 

Talk less; listen more.

Study your husband.  What is important to your him?  What does he value?  What does he talk about?  What does he spend his time doing? What does he ask you to do and not do?

You might even ask him, “What are some changes you would like to see in our marriage?  In our household?”

Now consider how you can accommodate him and adapt to him more in these areas. 

What are some of those areas?

Loving your husband: Fulfill his sexual desires.

That they may teach the younger women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. - Titus 2: 4 (KJV) The closer a woman ge...

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