He should be able to be himself without fear of your rejection, criticism or advice.

It's your job to love your husband. It's God's job to make him good. - Ruth Graham

Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God. - Romans 15:7, NASB

Today we will be looking at loving husbands through acceptance.

We will define acceptance, talk about why it is important, and how to put it into practice.

What is acceptance…

Acceptance: to take or receive (something offered); receive with approval or favor…

Acceptance is a quiet, submissive, calmly cheerful response to life, which includes those things we naturally like and agree with as well as things we don’t like, don’t agree with or cannot change.

Accepting others, especially our husbands, is the first step to truly loving them.

Acceptance means that you accept his choices, big and small, even if you don’t agree with them. That includes his choices of clothing, food, friendships, movies,beliefs, opinions.

This doesn’t mean that you have to like his choices or make the same choices. You just have to accept his.

Your husband needs his wife to accept him and she needs to accept him, even if it’s for her own peace of mind. Acceptance is one of the foundations of mental health and personal happiness.

Accept him just as he is just as you accept your good friends. He should be able to be himself without fear of your rejection, criticism or advice.

A husband needs his wife's acceptance most of all during times of apparent failure, If he’s already low, she should not put him down further. On the contrary, a loving wife will show understanding and assurance that she stands by him and in doing so wins from him a sublime level of love and devotion.

A wise woman graciously and thankfully receives what a husband has to give, accepting his faults and flaws, because she also has faults and flaws. It is making peace with her life and giving that life all she has.

Acceptance—more and more, as life goes on, that word opens doors into rooms of infinite peace. - Amy Carmichael

Acceptance blesses the marriage and also adds to a woman's personal well-being. As she embraces all that her husband is, she can stop wasting her energy trying to change my him. She can trust God to lead him and mold him, and is released to delightfully lighten up! She can re-direct her energy into working on herself, doing her own business and serving her family. She can relax and enjoy her life and marriage!

What acceptance is NOT:

Sometimes it’s easier to understand a word by looking at what it doesn’t mean. Non-accepting behaviors and attitudes that wives often display toward their husbands:

Correcting him.
Telling him what to do.
Criticizing him.
Arguing with him.
Complaining.
Nagging (asking, urging or telling him to do something repeatedly)

Most women marry a man with every intention of changing him. But when a woman treats her man like this, he sees her not as his lover, but rather as his mother. That’s where the problems begin.

In fact, it's not easy for men to understand this aspect of female nature (being oriented to criticising, analysing, judging, and finding fault in a spouse). It seems self-defeating, i.e. a way to sabotage the relationship and therefore your own well-being and happiness.

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. - Proverbs 21: 19

Let’s talk about one common wife behavior: nagging. A woman who nags her man about his behavior and habits, faults and flaws is not a woman who is trusting God to work in him and through him. It is not her responsibility to change him.

A much better approach is to accept your man as he is and his right to live as he wishes. A man’s home is his castle. Once a woman accepts her man, there is no longer any need to nag or criticize or argue or complain and everyone is happier.

Men interpret nagging as one of two things: she either doesn't trust me or she doesn't respect me. To a man, disrespect is basically his woman not loving him. Love and respect are the same to him.

If he senses he has lost her respect, he believes he has lost her love and might as well withdraw from the relationship.

Maybe she is thinking her nagging, instructing, correcting, reminding will help her husband become a better person and make their marriage grow? I disagree. A nagging wife is every husband’s nightmare. Husbands do not respond well to manipulation and coercion and nagging will only make him feel like a hopeless person.

If a woman wants her husband to change, she should try to make him happy instead of irritating him. She must give him some hope. She must trust him and let him do things his own way. As she puts her efforts into being a better wife, she will inspire him to do the same.

“Marriage License”, 1955, Norman Rockwell

There are many wise sayings regarding contentious and disagreeable wives:

What is the alternative? Accept him and yield to him.

A wise woman accepts and works within her husband’s character, quirks and flaws. It is better to not preach and instead set a good example. Biblically, wives are told to accept their husbands' leadership, not to resist, not to preach to them but to win them with a good example:

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. -1 Peter 3:1-6

Reading After Lunch by Sara Bryant

All the little foxes…

“But…wait….what? You mean I have to accept all my husband’s annoying habits?”

I did a little research on the habits that women find most objectionable in their husbands. There are many. :-)

So what about it? Is it ever okay to mention to your husband something that concerns, bothers or annoys you?

I believe it’s best to let these little things go and that in the long run, it makes both of us happier and better people. And my husband thinks he is a blessed man because he can live in peace and tranquility.

What about immorality?

Should a woman accept her husband sinning? I believe this is a subjective situation and will take some discernment. For example, is his behavior illegal? Is it endangering you or your family? You will have to decide and possibly confront him (more on this in when we talk about communication), get some good counsel and/or outside help. If there is immediate danger, leave or call for help.

Conclusion

Accepting your husband means letting go of pride, vanity, and fears. It means embracing humility and trust in GOD.

But it’s worth it! My belief in my husband frees him to look to his Creator and to be the man GOD is calling him to be.

I love you all!

-Amy Laurie

Activities / Journaling:

Practice focusing on your husband’s strengths.

Make a list of your husband’s virtues. Keep them somewhere you can refer to them often. When you are feeling dissatisfied with him, refer to this list.

Avoid these things.

Review frequently these highly non-accepting behaviors and resolve to cut them out of your life:

Correcting
Telling him what to do
Criticizing
Arguing
Complaining
Nagging him. (Nagging = telling him to do something repeatedly, especially with an impatient tone)

Whatever you think.

If you have a disagreement with your husband, instead of arguing, just say “Whatever you think” and let it drop. It’s ok. Go do something else.

Stop talking when he stops talking.

If you bring up a discussion and he stops responding or replying, follow his lead and also stop talking. It’s ok. Go do something else.

Find something else to do when he needs space.

If your husband needs space to be alone, not talk, do something with his friends, watch tv, read, play a game, surf the internet, let him do so graciously and without complaining. It’s ok. Go do something else.

Practice accepting your husband.

When he comes home this week, greet him with a big smile, big hug and a slurpy kiss.